I expected to breastfeed until 12 months old, then after that, offer BB (my Baby Boy) the breast for comfort or on-demand. I never expected that he would wean himself starting around 7 months old ☹️

If you’ve never breastfed, let me try to explain the feeling. Because it’s so much more than just feeding a baby ~ which I had assumed before, I never thought much of it beyond “baby feeding.”

Breastfeeding is a precious moment of connection. You get to slow down, cuddle your baby close to your heart, and offer him milk that you’re confident is the best for him.* You get to gaze at his little face, his little hands. You get to watch him snooze, and that feeling of safety and love envelops you both 💕

BB and I would have these moments MANY times a day. Every couple of hours, at times. I had gotten used to our routine, and sometimes I would even read a Kindle book (since it took an hour each time).

But at 7 months, my little one started to become more curious about the world. He was (still is) a SUPER energetic baby, and suddenly, slowing down for an hour wasn’t how he wanted to spend his time. BB wanted a bottle and then GO! GO! GO!

We went from breastfeeding several times a day to only at night. Midnight, 3am, 6am. Anything after sun-up, though, and he wanted nothing to do with it. He wanted to move, wiggle, flip, and crawl!

So… we started weaning.

BB still gets lots of cuddles and hugs and mommy time, so he’s been happy. I, on the other hand, got what I can only describe as the post-weaning blues.

He’s not a newborn anymore. The thought hit me like a brick wall. Especially since the weaning came on so suddenly. One minute he was my infant in my arms… the next he was army-crawling all throughout the house.

That was it.

It ended.

No more newborn.

“But you still have a healthy baby,” my husband said helpfully as I cried.

And I do, I still have a healthy baby and I am SO THANKFUL!! It wasn’t that, it was…

It was hard to explain.

Even as I was happy to watch BB grow, healthy and smart and popping out two bottom teeth, I carried a sadness with me every single day. As my milk supply dwindled, I felt panicky, too. “What if he wants to breastfeed again? What if there’s another formula contamination and shortage? If I can’t find formula, or if the formula hurts him in any way… IT WILL BE MY FAULT!!”

It was a rough few weeks.

I cried. I journaled. I prayed. I talked to my husband about it. I cried some more.

In the meantime, I would pump and give BB his breast milk in bottles, and look forward to our one breastfeeding session at night (usually around 3am).

The Day We Turned a Corner

The day we turned a corner was interesting. It was bedtime for BB and I put him at the breast to feed and sleep. And…

CHOMP!!!

He bit me! With those little baby razor-sharp teethies!! Was I breastfeeding a stapler??? Because OUCH!

The entire neighborhood must have heard my yelp.

Christmas Day

That was on Christmas Eve. And when BB woke up at dawn for feeding, I breastfed him. He thankfully didn’t bite me that time, as he was sleepy and not playful. We cuddled. It was about an hour, then he was fed and asleep. I placed him back in his crib.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that was the last time.

It would be a few days later when I realized that Christmas Day was the last day we breastfed.

Omg, I’m tearing up 😣 My heart is beating harder just writing that. Harder, and it hurts a little.

Today, my milk is dried up. BB doesn’t go for the breast anymore. He’s just happy, drinking his formula, eating his solid foods, and playing, still on the GO! GO! GO!

The moments are gone, but they were lovely.

I recommend that (if you’re breastfeeding) you take photos or videos, especially from your POV. Document how you’re feeling and thinking at the time in a journal. Please, forget the phone while you breastfeed. These moments can be gone so quickly. Too quickly. I thought we would get a year. We did not.

This one was not a POV photo, but I love it all the same:

Thank you, Lord, for gifting me these precious moments with my child. I will never forget them 😌 Thank you for the best Christmas gift I have ever received 💖

Okay, everyone. I gotta go ugly-cry…

Take care and God bless,

Yari, the ✿ Lovely Panda Mom ✿

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*Breast milk is the best you can offer, only IF you can offer it. Otherwise, a FED baby is the BEST baby. I supplemented with formula for many months, even when breastfeeding. And after weaning, we use formula every day. Remember, FED baby is the BEST! 💖