✿ Lovely Panda Mom ✿

Yesterday I Cried

(I wrote this as if speaking to my little Baby Bear, and I guarantee that your own mom has thought and felt something like this before. So, in a way, this is speaking to you, too 😌)

Yesterday I cried because I dropped you off at the church nursery. I knew you were in good hands. But as I saw you cling to the lady like my baby koala, your tiny little face looking so innocent and cute… as I saw that while walking away, I couldn’t help it. Something broke, and I cried.

Because I knew, right then and there, that the times to keep you all to myself are over. Naturally, it’s time to start letting you out into the world, bit by bit, when everything inside of me is screaming to keep you safe with me. The world can be dangerous. It can be ugly. And I only want you to experience a heavenly place where everyone loves you, where nothing bad happens, where your knees will NEVER be scraped, even if you fall off your bike.

That world doesn’t exist, my Baby Bear. And that’s why I called it “heavenly.” This side of heaven, reality is bittersweet. It’s not all bad! It is absolutely not all bad, and I want you to see that. But it’s not all good, either. And that’s why I worry.

The first three months we stayed indoors. Together. You were safe here in my arms. You were too small (and not yet vaccinated) and not ready for the world. Not even the grocery store!

After that, we trickled out into the world bit by bit, but not often. When we went to church, I kept you in your little car seat basket all cozy next to me. You’d coo quietly and fall asleep during the service. It was lovely 🥰

But after a while, you wanted out! No more baby basket! No more quiet cooing! You wanted to preach! along with the pastor. You let your voice be heard. And while everyone around you LOVED you… that’s probably not the best during church service 😅

So… it was time to trust. It was time to let someone else care for you. Nice people, yes. Good people, absolutely! But… I mean… You were not right next to ME…

When I picked you up the ladies said you were amazing! I saw you, you were sitting there happy, playful. They said you did “about 50 laps” around the entire nursery, and I believe them x-) Your energy is unmatched!

You didn’t cry 🙂

You were a big boy and a good boy and wonderful, and I’m so happy for you! It is my job to keep you confident, brave, and playful. It is my job to protect you. But it is NOT my job to shelter you.

And so I cried. Because I knew that was the first time of many that we would be apart. And in the future there will be times when I have to leave you with a babysitter, and drop you off at Sunday school, and sleepovers, and trips, and graduation and and and…

~ Deep breath ~

That was just a taste of letting go, just a little bit. I’m okay. And I’m okay because you did so well, and I know you’ll do okay as each instance happens in the future, and you have to venture out on your own. I’ll equip you as best as I can, Baby Bear, and make sure you’re safe out there.

But for now, I’m just happy here at home, waiting for you to wake up, so that I can hold you safe here in my arms.

Well, at least during all your energetic playing. I’m going to grab you and tickle you and hug you! 😊 But that is probably never going to stop, even when you grow up!

💖 Thank you for reading! Take care and God bless,

Yari, the ✿ Lovely Panda Mom ✿

24 comments

  1. Thanks for sharing, Yari! What a beautiful testimony of a mother’s love for her child. We fathers have our role, but a mother-child bond is special. Yup, this is a fallen world with dangers, nastiness, and unbelief, so we entrust our children to the Lord.

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  5. Both of my kids have been back in school since August, but I still feel exactly this way every day I have to drop them off. It’s just so hard to let them go, but they need it more than we do and, you’re absolutely right, we can’t keep them sheltered. The whole world is waiting for them and we must get them ready. But, wow, that feeling never goes away.

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    • Aww geez 💔❤️ That’s so bittersweet to know! Thanks for sharing that 😊 It’s good to know since, for a second, I thought I was being overly emotional or something! I guess they’re always our babies, no matter how much they grow 🥰🥰🥰

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  6. What a great story. So happy to hear how your church and Jesus is your focus. In the church I go to right now, they do have a nursery. After that age, they go to regular church service with their parents. I think that makes a difference. I grew up in church that way.

    Blessings.

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